Nothing beats being Free

Vodafone recently took a full-page ad in the Christchurch Press, entitled “Nothing beats being Free“, and featuring two rotund, pink, naked people. Unfortunately the black ink (deliberately?) failed to properly obscure certain portions of anatomy! So, here’s an ode to their marketing department. (Disclaimer: I don’t work for Vodafone!)

“nothing beats being free”

this ad really baffles me
vodafone markets nudity?
& saving whales, like free willy?!
shut up hippy, go hug a tree

imagine sailing on the sea
i’m in the drink, it was leaky
free willy is chewing parts of me
sometimes undies are not silly!

“nothing beats being free”
except running thru matagouri
may cause pain & injury
and a trip to the A & E

“nothing beats being free”
but on electric fence, do not pee
unless you like agony
and your taste runs to B & D

you need to learn your ABC
to get the taste for E or P
then you can fulfil your fantasy
when anguish seems like ecstasy

its not my thing, personally
vodafone has no morality
drug-addled nudists are not happy
because their freedom is anarchy

beware writing poems, employee
of a faceless corporate entity
or you’ll get outplacement opportunity
“nothing beats being free”

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