Road Rage: A Catalogue of Near Death Experiences in Auckland

This list goes beyond the usual rudeness and inconsideration into actual danger where I have felt pretty lucky not to have an accident.

1. Nearly Squashed Vodafone Employee

Exiting a Carpark on Halsey St. : entering the stream of traffic, WTF a pedestrian running across the busy road right in front of me HIT THE ANCHORS. She couldn’t be bothered using the phased pedestrian crossing about 10 metres away. Then she yells at me. Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped after all.

2. Game of Chicken

Exiting Halsey St. to Fanshawe St., with green arrow on the right turn : WTF red light runners turn into Halsey directly in your path! Daily occurrence at those lights. Seen some close calls..

3. Lanes, what Lanes?

Heading south towards the Harbour Bridge, left-centre lane : WTF crazy old Asian dude from Onewa Road is CROSSING ALL FOUR LANES WITHOUT INDICATING OR LOOKING … forced to pull a skid to avoid him. Asshole. Tempted to follow him to wherever and ‘advise’ him of the error of his ways. But gotta go to work.

4. Blind Spot Inside Lane Dodgems

Heading south towards the Harbour Bridge, right-centre lane : indicated lane change to the left. Checked nobody was there. Moved left. Hello suddenly there is a boy racer honking at me? Must have just raced up into that spot to cut me off. Really awesome when people pull that kinda shit at 100 k’s

5. Death Wish Cyclist on a Rainy Night

Southbound on Sunnybrae Road, heading towards Porana Road lights on a rainy evening. I have a green, someone up ahead indicating a right turn has to give way to me. WTF he’s just gone for it. Touch the brakes. WTF!! THERES A FUCKING CYCLIST DOING ThE SAME THING NEARLY KILLED HIM HIT THE ANCHORS. Couldn’t really see him either. The dude is lucky not to be busted up.

6. Rolling the Dice in Rush Hour

Northbound on Northcote Road, rush hour traffic. Cruising up the right lane past the Shell station, stopped cars in the lane next to me. WTF THERE’S AN IDIOT COMING OUT OF THE GAS STATION IN MY ROAD HIT THE ANCHORS. Thank God for ABS, managed to stop about 1 foot before smashing the drivers door in. Oblivious fool gives me a wave. I would like to give her a “wave” back but I am too shocked to respond.

7. ‘Give Way’ is only for the Little People

Southbound on Hillcrest Ave, rolling down the hill at 40 or 50 past Holland Rd, WTF THERES A STONKING GREAT SUV COMING STRAIGHT THRU A GIVE WAY NO TIME TO DO ANYTHING. Phew the mad woman at the wheel hit the brakes and I can swerve around.

8. ‘Stop’ means ‘Go without looking’ when turning left

Exiting driveway on Archers Rd., check all is clear then execute manoeuvre. WTF THERES SOMEONE RACING THRU THE STOP SIGN on Agincourt St. HIT THE ANCHORS!! They don’t stop they just drive around me. This happens DAILY. All the stop signs, school signs and children crossing don’t matter to some people. They turn left without even looking left, bloody dangerous sods in too much hurry.

9. Game of Chicken #2, ‘Keep Left’ is Optional

Southbound on Agincourt St., parked cars on the other side of the road WTF SOMEONE IS DRIVING TOWARDS ME ON THE WRONG SIDE PAST THE FRIKKIN PARKED CARS. Forced to stop, don’t want kill a boy racer playing chicken today… although it might be a useful lesson to him/her

10. Game of Chicken #3, ‘Keep Left’ Optional Especially When Driving Kids Home

Southbound on Blenheim St., parked cars on the other side of the road WTF SOMEONE IS DRIVING TOWARDS ME ON THE WRONG SIDE. Forced to stop, don’t want kill a MUM AND KIDS IN A PEOPLE MOVER today!! For fux sake lady. I have kids in the car too. Must control rage.

11. Game of Chicken #4, Narrow Road, No Visibility, Hazard Lights Make Illegal Parking OK?

Northbound over Poland road. Busy road, narrow, steep hill in the middle means you can’t tell if there’s oncoming traffic. Yellow lines both sides.. but WTF THERE ARE TWO HUGE TRUCKS PARKED AT THE TOP OF THE HILL. O SHIT ONCOMING TRAFFIC ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!! Faaark. Manage to avoid them, say some prayers and proceed slowly up the hill. The trucks had their hazard lights on.. I guess thAat makes it OK to park on yellow lines. Called the cops on *555 and got forwarded to a City Council IVR. I even took photos but obviously the police have better things to do than PREVENT HORRIBLE ACCIDENTS

12. The Road Is My Personal Racetrack

A friend of mine was unloading kids on Hillcrest Rd outside the Playcentre. She opened the kids door on the road side to unbuckle a child. WTF SOME DUDE IN A FANCY CAR JUST HIT HER DOOR when racing down the hill at 70 k’s. He damaged his wing mirror oh noes!! He reverses and yells at my friend AFTER HE HAS JUST RIPPED THE END OF HER FINGER OFF. He races off ignorantly. Wish I was there to ‘educate’ him.

BONUS: Fun in Christchurch

Eastbound along Kilmore St. : Nearly wiped out a car load of teenagers who had run the lights on Fitzgerald Ave. Skidded to a stop and just missed smashing into a teenage girl in the back seat. Lucky kids, deserve a Darwin Award.


2 thoughts on “Road Rage: A Catalogue of Near Death Experiences in Auckland

  1. In a road rage, both the aggressor, and the provoker need orientations to save themselves from an aggressive situation. Both are prone to getting harmed. Road rage is a social evil and is a nuisance in all cities of the world. Zero Tolerance to Road Rage (ZTTRR) aims at fighting against road rage using peaceful means. It adopts the Gandhian principles of non-violence and non-compromise. Read more about ZTTRR here:

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